Lupus Monday - on Sunday
I am finished with homework and with class for an entire week. Woohoo! So I decided to do a lupus post. Really, if one more schmuck tells me I look great or I look too healthy to be sick or some other crap in that neighborhood...I may hurt them. I am not normally a complainer (although I am considering becoming one). I grew up with a precious mom who liked to regale everyone...you know...the check out girl, the mailman, the church friends, with tales of her ailments. (She really did have a lot of junk wrong with her and she was a stay at home mom so I get her need to talk...) I swore when I was little I wouldn't do that. And for the most part I don't. I keep thinking if I don't talk about it...it will go away. But I have decided I need a response to the schmucks who say crap like...you look great...meaning...you're not really sick are you? So here you go...
If someone asks how I'm feeling...and I am having a sucky day...I plan to say tired.
- T - totally fatigued and wanting to be anywhere but right here talking to you
- I - itchy, itchy, itchy
- R - really irritated that you feel the need to ask me how I feel each and every day
- E - emotionally exhausted
- D - drenched in sweat thanks to my meds and the hot flash side effects
Or maybe I will say I am happy.
- H - hurrying to yet another dang doctor's appointment
- A - armed and dangerous so don't bug me
- P - positive that you are one of the stupidest people I have ever met
- P - piling up a mountain of medical bills
- Y - yearning for this to be a mistake that will go away tomorrow
Of course, I have no need to ask them how they are. If they are asking me AGAIN about my health (am I am regretting AGAIN telling anyone I even have lupus) they are A) running around in great health and feeling sorry for me (I hate that) or B)full of ailments they are hoping to share with me. I am assuming they are FINE. (I take no credit for this)
- F - f^%&ed up (sorry for hurting your eyes)
- I - insecure
- N - neurotic
- E - emotionally unbalanced
So there you go. That about covers my feelings on lupus today. I'll leave you with this.
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Or you could have some friends that truly care about you and your feelings and ask how you are because they are genuinely interested. They know that some (ok-most) days are hard and think that maybe you would like a chance to talk about it. Or you could keep thinking that everyone just feels sorry for you- I am one who does not!! You do have lupus so it may be that part of having it is that people ask you how you are-is that so bad?????
Sheesh...slammed by anonymous. (yeah, yeah, I use the tem slammed loosely.) Is it bad to have friends ask? Nope...I am not really talking about friends in this post. Most of those who I am friends with know exactly how I am feeling just by looking at me (and checking to see if my hair's in a ponytail!). And most of my friends know that if I need to talk, chances are good that I will without them ever asking. I kind of like to live in a state of denial most days. I'm really complaining, fussing, whatever, about the people I work with who aren't really friends but feel the need to constantly offer strange rememdies and then tell me to get more rest and I'll feel better. I am absolutely clear on the fact that I have lupus. I have the medical bills and the needle marks to prove it. But lupus isn't all I am. And having a daily reminder of it...or wondering if someone is asking how I am cause I look like death warmed over when I actually thought I was having a good hair day sucks. So, thanks for the anonymous comment. I was kind of having a sucky day and this post emerged...it's my blog darn it I can write whatever I want. I suspect you are actually one of my real friends that I just never complain to...I can change that if you want! :) Thanks for caring enough to post a comment...even if it is anonymous.
Hey, you can assume I'm FINE when I ask how you're doing. That'd be:
F - f'd up beyond belief
I - incomprehensibly joyful because I'm
N - never stopping praying &
E - expecting a complete healing of your f'd up body.
So what the cluck? Have some coffee and chocolate and get over it. People are, by nature, total idiots (even me .... parenthetically even). And even your friends are going to ask stupid questions. But like anonymous said, some people are genuinely interested. And yeah, I get it's your blog. That's why I'm reading it. And I get that you're keeping it real. And I LIKE that. And I TOTALLY get that you are not Lupus, and I'll never let you become Lupus to me or anyone we mutually know. How's about that for a Lupus Monday smackdown?! It's all because you're an overachiever. It's 5:20 a.m. I still need to start (YES, START) 2 papers. Thanks for the distraction.
Mary's indignant conscience
I agree with this blog complete.y. I, however, totally understand why you said the things that you said. People that don't have a chronic disease just don't get it and they don't need to act like they do! Can you tell that I am having a sucky day too?
Thanks, anonymous and Mary. I appreciate you guys (even the first one who posted a comment). At least I know SOMEONE is reading the blog! But the last comment gets it I think. Maybe that's what it is. It's kind of like...if you don't have a chronic illness and someone asks how you are it is usually because you have a cold or you are coughing, etc. And you appreciate the concern, usually. But when your illness is chronic...and you hear daily from someone..."SO, how are you feeling today?" you kind of get to the point that you just wish no one knew. And honestly, the very next person who says, "I can't really believe you're sick because you don't act like it" is gonna get decked. And I'm thinking it could happen tomorrow...stay tuned!
OK - You know I don't blog, but I hafta on this one. You, girlfriend, are not in denial. You are addressing it. That's not denial. THAT, friend, is called SURVIVAL - and you do it with joy -sometimes, my very daily survival depends on if I am not puking my guts up during class because my meds are so messing me up. And someteimes daily survival means getting home without kicking my 7 year old out of the car to walk the rest of the way because he won't zipit.com. But most days, survival means that if I can get to school, solve everyone else's problems,and make it home with a box of cereal in the cabinet and just enough milk in the fridge, we are good at my house. Girl, I know I am a survivor. It does suck. And as for the people who ask how I am, I say just enough. - Nothing to garner pity, but something that lets them know I am still normal. The best way to let them know I am still normal is to laugh at myself. In front of those people who pity me. That's joy in survival! You go Girl!
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